I’m finally learning, after 12 years of full time work, what it means to truly work when I’m at work. At the same time, after 8 years of marriage and 6 years of being a Dad, I’m finally learning what it means to be truly home with my family when I’m at home with my family. And At the same time I’m also starting the learn what it means to truly study, when I am studying. I think this is called stewardship. It’s hard. It doesn’t come natural. It’s the only way I and my family will survive.

By Robert Murray McCheyne, 1837

When this passing world is done,
When has sunk yon glaring sun,
When we stand with Christ in glory,
Looking o’er life’s finished story,
Then, Lord, shall I fully know—
Not till then—how much I owe.

When I hear the wicked call,
On the rocks and hills to fall,
When I see them start and shrink
On the fiery deluge brink,
Then, Lord, shall I fully know—
Not till then—how much I owe.

When I stand before the throne,
Dressed in beauty not my own,
When I see Thee as Thou art,
Love Thee with unsinning heart,
Then Lord, shall I fully know—
Not till then—how much I owe.

When the praise of Heav’n I hear,
Loud as thunders to the ear,
Loud as many waters’ noise,
Sweet as harp’s melodious voice,
Then, Lord, shall I fully know—
Not till then—how much I owe.

Even on earth, as through a glass
Darkly, let Thy glory pass,
Make forgiveness feel so sweet,
Make Thy Spirit’s help so meet,
Even on earth, Lord, make me know
Something of how much I owe.

Chosen not for good in me,
Wakened up from wrath to flee,
Hidden in the Savior’s side,
By the Spirit sanctified,
Teach me, Lord, on earth to show,
By my love, how much I owe.

Oft I walk beneath the cloud,
Dark, as midnight’s gloomy shroud;
But, when fear is at the height,
Jesus comes, and all is light;
Blessed Jesus! bid me show
Doubting saints how much I owe.

When in flowery paths I tread,
Oft by sin I’m captive led;
Oft I fall—but still arise—
The Spirit comes—the tempter flies;
Blessed Spirit! bid me show
Weary sinners all I owe.

Oft the nights of sorrow reign—
Weeping, sickness, sighing, pain;
But a night Thine anger burns—
Morning comes and joy returns;
God of comforts! bid me show
To Thy poor, how much I owe.

“We have been the recipients of the choicest bounties of Heaven. We have been preserved, these many years, in peace and prosperity. We have grown in numbers, wealth and power, as no other nation has ever grown. But we have forgotten God. We have forgotten the gracious hand which preserved us in peace, and multiplied and enriched and strengthened us; and we have vainly imagined, in the deceitfulness of our hearts, that all these blessings were produced by some superior wisdom and virtue of our own. Intoxicated with unbroken success, we have become too self-sufficient to feel the necessity of redeeming and preserving grace, too proud to pray to the God that made us!”

–Abraham Lincoln (March 30, 1863)–

And since then we have had 146 years of one generation after another consistently getting more and more selfish. It has not been an addition factor from one generation to the next, but a multiplication factor. The concentration of selfishness and evil in the country is astounding! We do not live in a “good” place. We do not live in a “good” culture. Our America does not acknowledge God, much less need, thank, or desire Him. Yet there are the few who do see Him for who He is, and see us for who we are, and with those few I pray and toil and cry for the many. We are all too arrogant. We are all too prideful. We are all too self sufficient to feel the necessity of redeeming and preserving grace, too proud to pray to the God that made us!

So this is my struggle this morning. I am a head person. A thinker. A knowledge person. When a problem comes up, I want to get all the information possible so I can go about solving the problem logically and systematically.  I’m not sure how I came to be this way, because I have also always been a dreamer with my head in the clouds, so this is all really weird for me. But my struggle as a thinker, is to feel. I often push my heart out of the way because knowledge is black and white, concrete, solid. I can deal with the sure, the predictable. I don’t think that knowledge is bad, but the exclusivity that I hold it to is. God is seeking those who would worship him in spirit and in truth, and I worship him in truth, but have a hard time worshiping him in spirit. I don’t know, maybe it is because I know what my life looks like when following my heart. I am a very selfish person when I follow my heart. Or maybe I wasn’t really following my heart, but my idolatrous desires. Or was it my unregenerate heart that has always led me to such selfishness? All I know is that in following my heart in the past, I have heart a lot of people, not least of which is my wife, and always God in the most.

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Withing this past week, I have had a huge revelation about the way that our response to the small things in life indicate our view of the bigger things. Sometime in the past week, I finally stated following ALL the traffic laws. Let me give you a background of where I am coming from, and then I will tell you why this is so big.

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